one paper and one exam to go.

okei, i wouldn't expect so much in my grades thid sem. i know that i didn't do too well. and i have a real strong premonition that this sem is not a good one, premonition like that of melissa mcghee in american idol. i know what i did so i should very well know what the consequences are. *sigh. it's too late for anything now. next sem, i hope to overcome my laziness and i hope to take more interest in what i'm doing. i also have to stop looking and searching what and where i'd be shifting to. i should start loving where i am. maybe this is suppose to be where i am it's just that i've been fretting so mucj of where to be when i haven't really ventured this territory i am currently on.

one paper, one exam to go. and i haven't done anything.

summer is so close yet so far...

Your theme song is Walking On Sunshine!


What's Your Theme Song?

Brought to you by Tickle

just finished our third long exam today. whew! it wasn't that difficult. or so i think... i hope my grade is good, no make that great... haha... next and final exam, March 25, 2006. when the exam was finished, i saw my classmate, Kimmy, going up the stairs. She said she didn't wake up on time. she didn't make it to the exam. i wonder if our professor let her take the exam...

anyway, it's amazing how people's lives are intertwined and more often than not it gets tangled up... you know how it is here in the Philippines, you call every old lady you're aunt even though she's not a sister of either you're mom or dad and how everyone in your community knows everybody or how people become relatives even when they're cousins in their nth roots..well like mark's (my rockstar crush) and my life is somewhat "linked". i had this classmate in my tennis class who knew him. she's the one who told me his name and his band and the courting activities of mark.. haha.. and then just this noon, i found out that another classmate of mine in philosophy knows him. mark became greg's classmate last semester in bowling. greg says he wasn't much of a talker, very aloof. he preferred to stay in the corner and leave everyone else. i knew that. he has this really mystifying, dismal, always-in-deep-thought aura that's going on around him. well, you know how a rockstar is. how distant and detached from the world around them sometimes. anyway back to mixed up lives, does this mean that destiny is pulling us together, little by little, by channeling us together through other people or am i yet again in a state of wishful fancy?

we learned in buddhist philosophy that we shouldn't interfere with the natural way of things, like everything happens by itself. things should come as naturally to achieve nirvana. like breathing, it comes naturally that we don't have to think about it anymore for us to able to do it. doing something for nothing. it says that we should be unattached to things. because if we were, then it would be a strain doing it. TRUE but isn't the reason why we're doing things is for a purpose. and there is that drive that helps us achieve these things.? i don't know... life is so complicated as it is. crazy philosophers made it even more complex. even gave me headaches... in love, they say we are not suppose to look for it, it'll come to us. but what about the men who pursued the women they love? isn't that a defiance of the laws of this philosophy. they didn't not let things just happen, they did everything in their power to win the heart of that certain person they love. and then here comes descartes saying everything that can be doubted shuold be abolished well i say we should get rid of buddhist philosophy if that is so and every other philosophy because everything was doubted but then that would lead to the abolishing of descartes law because his philosophy is also dicey and dubious which would then lead into us keeping this philosophy working for us.. what a cycle... but then again we need these kind of thinking to keep our perspectives right on track. really gives me a headache just writing about it and i think i'm talikng nonsensically already.

haha, how can something that started with a math exam and me seeing my crush end up onto a philosophical discussion with myself?

i'm starting to sound like a on-the-loose psychiatric patient.

hoorah! i survived my exams! although i'm not a hundred percent sure, i think i did a real good job in nat sci. at least. i hope i didn't flunk the env sci. though i was clueless there except for the GMO part since we have that in nat sci and i already studied that last sem in the subject MBB (molecular biology and biotechnology) i shouldn't be celebrating yet might drive away the good luck.. haha.. how superstitious of me, but well you can't be too sure..
ate rose left for her hometown today, Antique. she took a ferry boat *turns green* (haven't ride a boat ever! but soon will be. haha) she is going to visit her family, i'm sure she misses them, it's been n years since she left there to try her luck here.(ah, the urban dream!) before she left, ate maricel cried, guess she'll miss her. oh well she's going to go back in two weeks anyways. it isn't that long. ate maricel would be alone in the house during school days but then again school is almost over and classes are already irregular (thank God!) i can rest now. oh not really, i have an exam again on wednesday, that's a day away. *loud sighing* and i'm suppose to be reading a lesson for tomorrow and start a research on my philosophy paper and also solve some math problems but then im too lazy to do so, stupid girl!
crap! and to think my mom thinks that i am her only hope and that not only does she think that but the whole world, okei maybe not, just those people who know us. i hate it! what if i don't meet their expectation, damn! i hate pressure. it's too much for me... haha..
hey people! im not wonderwoman or darna to carry a burden that heavy. urgh *then just shrugs* what cn i do? let me answer that: nothing! just face it. ika nga ni mother theresa "god won't give me anything i could not handle, i just wish he doesn't trust me that much" did i get that right? i think that not exactly it. it's something that sounds just like that.. just the same.
wow, i'm quite impressed at myself right now. why? coz i'm beginning to write longer entries here. hope it doesn't end like it always does. really lazy me.. *ppfft!*
oh i made an icon of mark my rockstar boyfriend(wish on,little girl!) of course with the assistance of my techy cousin camille.
enlistment for subjects for the next school year started today. haven't really thought of subjects to take yet.. *again the word lazy*

well, til next time, have to move my ass and get things done.

*p.s i forgot to tell you i'm also impressed of myself again because for two straight days i have been exercising! big surprise huh? been running the treadmill for 20 minutes, i repeat 20 minutes woohoo! achievement. badly need to lose excess fats and weight. although i think it has a little adverse effect on me or so i think because my everytime i run my heart beats so fast and so loud that i hear it in my head and then i start to think that it might eventually explode like a little bomb because of the pressure.. and then i die...

oh well, what a way to end mi entry, me thinking of my death.

okei. i am going to have two exams tomorrow, no wait... today IS tomorrow. it's 3 am in the morning and still wide awake instead of resting for the big exams. thing is, i haven't read anything yet. *yay me!* i crammed a paper due tomo-today.. and i just focused on the nat sci exam since i need to catch up my grade there more than env sci. crap, i hope i get a high score in at least one of them if not both and not a failing grade in either of the two.. or else i'm going to strangle my self to death.. FOR REAL! ok, maybe not! ALthough i want to but i'm such a big fat Chicken to do so.. i texted me mom and guess what? i had the big scoop of the day. my big brother, kuya Sante decided to follow the footsteps of our big brother, kuya Mark and dropped out of school. i have two out-of-school brothers, beat that! although there is still no news from the school, we are assuming ,since my cousin, ate diana, saw a text message in kuya sante's phone saying and i quote "akala ko di mo gagayahin ang kuya mo." (at least that's what mom said) from joann, his girlfriend, who by the way left for the states last 18, saturday and won't be back after a year. anyway, back to my brothers, i hope my younger brother, mig, who prefers to be called miko now coz he says mig is uncool, don't turn out to be like the kuyas. *crosses fingers (and toes,if possible)* GOD, why do i have such a nice family life. first my dad left my mom for another woman and then he gets the BITCH(pardon le French)pregnant with a GIRL!(i'm suppose to be an only daughter but that doesn't mean i accept her as my sibling, so basically i am still under the illusion that i am though i'm not or am i?) then my two brothers drop out and my mom is trying hard to keep everything normal(what an understatement! am i being punished.. i may never know, unless i die now and be like rachel weisz in the constantine. i cried but what the hell can that do?! i want to kick the crap out of my father and slap mmy brothers, somebody please give me the permission but i won't do that coz i love them, my brothers that is not my dad just to shake them off their insanity.

gaahh, still have nothing for tomorrow's exam well, oh well... i have to go sleep now if i want to wake up just intime for an exam (env sci) where i barely know anything. oh and there is a reason behind me slacking we have 5 topics to discuss but only had 1 meeting so she(our prof) just sent us our reading list. nice huh? laziness took over... urgh!